Otherkin Blogging Day 5–Identity: Doubts

Awwwww shit.

Of course I have doubts. I’ve always had doubts.

Especially because I’m dumb and insecure and know that Loki knows more about me than I do sometimes and would probably know if I was for realz a wolf in some past life or if I’m actually a shapeshifter or some nonsense. And I worry that He’s like “Nah son, you’re just some human dude. Get your head outta tha clouds.”

But I back up my awkward spiritual doubts with the idea that even if it’s not something I am spiritually, then I have this identification for some psychological reason. For whatever reasons, be it my being raised around canines and picking up their behaviors or maybe identifying the way that I do gives me some sort of comfort after years of abuse, these identities are here and have never left. And I hold them as dear to me and deeply personal. I have enough proof for myself that my identities are real in some way. And that’s all that really matters.

Self-Care and Spirit Work

I don’t know how coherent this post is going to be, but this is something I think needs to be spoken on.

I’ve sort of noticed this pattern among spirit workers and devotional polytheists of “The gods come first. Our first responsibility is to our gods.” And anyone who isn’t constantly serving or working with their gods is being selfish or lazy. And I take issue with this mentality.

I’ve been struggling immensely for the past year, really, with severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. And I am essentially unmedicated, considering my current meds do nothing for me. This means that I don’t have the energy at all for interacting with astral beings of ANY sort, gods or otherwise. Trust me, I’ve tried. But it’s incredibly stressful and I have felt nothing but guilt and self-hatred because I feel like a terrible person for “ignoring” them. I’ve felt like a shitty partner, too, toward my husband and more recent spirit companion, because I can’t bring myself to spend time with them. It just takes up more spoons than I have and puts an incredible amount of pressure on me. And the mentality that I need to be constantly devoted to Loki and jump when He says jump only serves to make this worse, and by extension, make my illness worse.

It’s only recently that I’ve sat down and allowed myself to NOT pay as much attention and devote as much energy to the Powers. I actually cannot handle it. It exacerbates my illness. And you know what? They understand. Loki understands. My other spirit companion understands. We can all still be bros and hang out when I have spoons, but I just DON’T right now.

There’s this idea that if someone ever actively separates themselves from their gods, that they’re somehow shirking responsibility or not being a Good Pagan, but that’s bullshit.

I am serving my gods by serving myself. I’m useless if I’m not healthy enough to do even basic functions like eat, sleep, and move. All of which I struggle with daily. So by stepping back, saying “I’ll see ya around” and focusing on myself and my own innate, non-gods-related spirituality, I am serving Loki the best way I can. And anyone who thinks otherwise can go shove their athame where the sun don’t shine.

So there’s my ramble-y 2 cents on that.

Serve yoself.

Otherkin Blogging Day 4–Identity: Other aspects of your identity (in addition to/besides your otherkin identity)

Besides being therian/kin, I’ve got a lot of other really important aspects to my identity. So, I’ll list them all and go more in-depth as needed. Hold on tight!

I’m transgender (FTM), pagan, an artist and poet, a costumer, goth (like the 80’s new wave sort), polyamorous, and kinky. I’m the little boy to my partner, dom, and Daddy, who goes by Scar. I’m one of Loki’s spouses. I’m a psychology student. I’m an aspiring author. I’m a gamer, a Trekkie (seen most of TOS, all of TNG, all of DS9, some of Voyageur, and all the movies at LEAST once. I also met William Shatner and got Brent Spiner’s autograph), and a frequenter of conventions.

I’m lots of things. XD

Otherkin Blogging Day 3–Identity: How/why you are otherkin

I tend to take a combination of a spiritual and psychological stance in regards to my therian and kin identities.

Most folks know that I’m a baby spirit worker, and I spend some time being aware of the astral. So my shapeshifting there, comments made by Loki, and astral dreams I’ve had all contribute to my pile of personal evidence for the validity of my claims. Emphasizing personal, because it really doesn’t count for shit as evidence to anyone but me.

I also feel a deep spiritual connection to my therio-/kintypes that pushes me to search for spiritual explanations.

However, as one pursuing psychology and in possession of critical thinking skills and rational thought, I also totally accept the possibility that I could identify this way due to a neurological difference, or through childhood influences, or as a means of self-empowerment. None of these mean my identity is invalid. They just mean I percieve myself on an internal, personal level differently than other, and if this helps me and hurts no one else, then it shouldn’t be an issue.

Otherkin Blogging Day 2–Identity: History/development

Here comes the fun part.

Aight kiddies, gather ’round and let Uncle Christoph tell ya bout how he figured out he’s a loony wolf and grinning riddle kitty.

When I was little, I always played “dog” games. And whenever my friends and I got together to play those silly wolf pack games that kids do, I always kinda took it more seriously than the rest of them. Wolves were Important Creatures and it was upsetting to me when the others didn’t act like real wolves, because that’s what I thought we were doing. When I howled, it would always trigger shifts in me, though I didn’t know it at the time.

I could go on about silly childhood things, but I wanna fast forward to the meat of my therian experience, which began around Feb 2006 when I first found the term “therian.” I knew immediately that what these people were describing as therianthropy was what I had experienced pretty much my whole life. I had felt phantom limbs and had mental shifts and the whole nine yards. So I coined myself a grey wolf therian and launched into the FLUFFIEST TRAINWRECK OF MIDDLE SCHOOL WOLFABOO HORROR THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.

I appointed myself “alpha” of a pack of my friends and we convinced ourselves that we were gonna P-shift and save the world from the second coming of the Elenari’s Corruption and it was….

It was bad. XD I cringe at the journal entries I still have from those times.

But after that ended in my freshman year of highschool, my interest in therianthropy went mostly dormant. I didn’t pay attention to it at all. If I weren’t a therian, this would’ve been me growing out of a phase entirely.

But the thing is, while I didn’t pay attention to it, wolf was still there. Always there. Integrated into my base personality and actions and instincts. (I’m a suntherian, so it makes sense.) And after a few years, I was prompted to re-examine and question if I still thought I was a therian.

And after outside consultation, a number of soul readings from people who had no knowledge of my wolf identity, and a bit of soul-searching, I decided that yes, I was still a wolf therian.

It stayed with me through all these years no matter what happened or what stance I took on it. And that’s proof enough to me that it exists in some way.

As for Cheshire, that was a recent development because I was 1. Reluctant to explore the possibility of polymorph as a second therio-/kintype for a long time, and when I did I was 2. Resistant to the nagging thoughts I had of being a Cheshire because I didn’t want to be fictionkin.

But in all honesty, I’ve had an idea that I’m some sort of shapeshifter for a long time, and it makes a lot of sense to me. Especially considering that I have had an intense connection to and identification with the Alice mythos for a long time. It always resonated with me on a really deep level and I could never pinpoint exactly why–and trust me I psychoanalyzed the hell out of it.

But when I went looking for a specific explanation for my polymorph identity, it came up again that Cheshire was a possibility, and it was then that I kinda had to…suck it up and accept that my answer was staring me in the face. The only reason I hadn’t accepted it as a possibility was because I didn’t WANT to be fictionkin.

Now, it could technically be argued that Cheshire doesn’t have to fall under fictionkin since the term and idea of a Cheshire Cat was around at least 100 years before Lewis Carroll (AKA Charles Dodgson) popularized it in his books, but that’s a discussion for another blog post.

So there ya have it.

Thats how I came to identify as a wolf and grinning cat. And I don’t take myself seriously about either identity at all. XD

30 Days of Otherkin Challenge

Probably gonna do this over here. I’ve been inspired to write about ‘kin things as of late, but we all know how great Tumblr is for that. *eyeroll*

Beyond Awakening

I wanted some prompts for writing about otherkin, but the original 30 Day Non-Human Challenge was not open-ended enough of a prompt series for my tastes. I decided to make my own, modeled in style more closely after the 30 Days of Paganism meme. Feel free to modify and adjust the below to your heart’s content. I’ll be completing this challenge over on Tumblr.

30 Days of Otherkin

  1. Identity: Current
  2. Identity: History/development
  3. Identity: How/why you are otherkin
  4. Identity: Other aspects of your identity (in addition to/besides your otherkin identity)
  5. Identity: Doubts
  6. Kintype(s): Facts and fiction
  7. Kintype(s) Interactions (with your kintype or with others of the same kintype as you)
  8. Kintype(s): Mythology, legends, lore
  9. Kintype(s): What’s it like to be your kintype?
  10. Kintype(s): Common misconceptions
  11. Community: Online
  12. Community: Offline
  13. Community: Family
  14. Community: Friends
  15. Community: Significant others
  16. Being otherkin: Challenges
  17. Being otherkin: Shifting (or lack thereof)
  18. Being otherkin: Reincarnation and past-life…

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Elf Magic Mail

Nifty Otherkin history.

Silverelves's Blog

Elf Magic Mail: Book 1, the original letters of the Elf Queen’s Daughters with Commentary by the Silver Elves These letters…dearest kin… were written by the Elf Queen’s Daughters and contain within them the roots of the Otherkin movement. The following is the introduction of the book Elf Magic Mail that we have compiled of these original letters by the EQD and we have included a sample writing of one letter with the commentary by the Silver Elves.

Keldas Zet Ton Na Tarsalunin Sol (Running wild on a moonlit night),
The Silver Elves
Our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/silver.elves
Our Website: http://silverelves.angelfire.com

Be sure an scroll under the following image of Elf Magic Mail to read sample of book:

Image

From the Introduction of Elf Magic Mail:

Introduction

In 1974, a pair of sisters—Arwen and Elanor—calling thems’elves the Elf Queen’s Daughters emerged upon the Pagan/Wiccan scene. They wrote fascinating esoteric letters of elven lore and…

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