Here comes the fun part.
Aight kiddies, gather ’round and let Uncle Christoph tell ya bout how he figured out he’s a loony wolf and grinning riddle kitty.
When I was little, I always played “dog” games. And whenever my friends and I got together to play those silly wolf pack games that kids do, I always kinda took it more seriously than the rest of them. Wolves were Important Creatures and it was upsetting to me when the others didn’t act like real wolves, because that’s what I thought we were doing. When I howled, it would always trigger shifts in me, though I didn’t know it at the time.
I could go on about silly childhood things, but I wanna fast forward to the meat of my therian experience, which began around Feb 2006 when I first found the term “therian.” I knew immediately that what these people were describing as therianthropy was what I had experienced pretty much my whole life. I had felt phantom limbs and had mental shifts and the whole nine yards. So I coined myself a grey wolf therian and launched into the FLUFFIEST TRAINWRECK OF MIDDLE SCHOOL WOLFABOO HORROR THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.
I appointed myself “alpha” of a pack of my friends and we convinced ourselves that we were gonna P-shift and save the world from the second coming of the Elenari’s Corruption and it was….
It was bad. 😄 I cringe at the journal entries I still have from those times.
But after that ended in my freshman year of highschool, my interest in therianthropy went mostly dormant. I didn’t pay attention to it at all. If I weren’t a therian, this would’ve been me growing out of a phase entirely.
But the thing is, while I didn’t pay attention to it, wolf was still there. Always there. Integrated into my base personality and actions and instincts. (I’m a suntherian, so it makes sense.) And after a few years, I was prompted to re-examine and question if I still thought I was a therian.
And after outside consultation, a number of soul readings from people who had no knowledge of my wolf identity, and a bit of soul-searching, I decided that yes, I was still a wolf therian.
It stayed with me through all these years no matter what happened or what stance I took on it. And that’s proof enough to me that it exists in some way.
As for Cheshire, that was a recent development because I was 1. Reluctant to explore the possibility of polymorph as a second therio-/kintype for a long time, and when I did I was 2. Resistant to the nagging thoughts I had of being a Cheshire because I didn’t want to be fictionkin.
But in all honesty, I’ve had an idea that I’m some sort of shapeshifter for a long time, and it makes a lot of sense to me. Especially considering that I have had an intense connection to and identification with the Alice mythos for a long time. It always resonated with me on a really deep level and I could never pinpoint exactly why–and trust me I psychoanalyzed the hell out of it.
But when I went looking for a specific explanation for my polymorph identity, it came up again that Cheshire was a possibility, and it was then that I kinda had to…suck it up and accept that my answer was staring me in the face. The only reason I hadn’t accepted it as a possibility was because I didn’t WANT to be fictionkin.
Now, it could technically be argued that Cheshire doesn’t have to fall under fictionkin since the term and idea of a Cheshire Cat was around at least 100 years before Lewis Carroll (AKA Charles Dodgson) popularized it in his books, but that’s a discussion for another blog post.
So there ya have it.
Thats how I came to identify as a wolf and grinning cat. And I don’t take myself seriously about either identity at all. 😄