I think it’s worth mentioning that I NEVER even DREAMED that I would be a godspouse. For the longest time, I thought that it was my path to be a near-headblind devotee who would never be a spiritworker of any sort, to the point that I wrote a post about it on my old Tumblr account.
When He first appeared to me in a tangible way (I won’t go into details about that night, because it involves other people as well) I…was overwhelmed. And I realized I felt things for Him that I hadn’t known I’d felt before. And when He kissed me, I was so warm…it was so comforting in a time where I was so incredibly distressed. And from then on, I couldn’t get the idea of godspouse out of my head, no matter how hard I tried and no matter how fervently I denied that I was even remotely worth the title. It was only when I finally came out and let myself acknowledge the idea that I realized “okay, yes…this is happening.” And it FREAKED ME OUT.
I was kind of in panic mode about it for a while. Especially after He’d said things like “You know I take many wives….but I wouldn’t mind a husband.” and ”How does it feel to love a god?” because the first statement sealed it, and the second question made me realize that I had no CLUE what I was doing, but here I was anyway….
Flash forward to now, after He’s proposed formally. I’m still halfway in “wait, what?” mode. I’m able to hear Him way more clearly than I was even two months ago. I can tell when He’s around, and that’s pretty often. And I find myself doing more work with Him now than I have in the almost two years of following Him. It’s interesting, considering I never saw this coming and fought it when it did happen.
Sometimes, seeing the recent influx of spouses, I feel like I’m just one in a large crop and that others won’t take what I have with Him seriously. Sometimes it makes it feel less meaningful. But then I spend time with Him and realize it doesn’t matter what other people think. And being His is very meaningful. It means He picks me up off the floor when I’m huddled in a corner having a horrible panic attack and watches MLP with me until I calm down. (True story.) It means we enjoy showers together and He helps me feel less dysphoric regarding my body. It means I share with Him, and He shares with me. Getting to know His family and especially His children has been incredibly meaningful, and will become increasingly so the more I learn and interact with Them.
So while I never planned on this, and while others might dismiss me as “another newbie godspouse (to be, I suppose)” that doesn’t change the fact that this is quite possibly the most meaningful part of my spiritual life, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing.